Fatherhood

I didn't realize how much fathers can really impact children's lives, it can even impact their development.  Fathers have a different way of approaching and parenting their children than mothers do.  They have a different way of communicating and interacting with their child.  This gives the child a better outlook of how to have a good experience. Fathers build confidences, they are pushing their children’s limits knowing that they can do it. Fathers communicate differently and they are likely to expand the child’s vocabulary and challenges them. Fathers discipline differently than mothers do- fathers are about being fair, justice and duty.  They tend to stand firm on those types of things to teach children right from wrong.  Fathers prepare children for the real world- they are able to learn the consequences in the way that they behave and how that can affect the way that they will behave in the real world.  I have seen my father do these things, and how I approach my mother differently than I approach my dad.  Even though my dad and I don't really talk much, I feel like we are closer than I feel with my mother.  I can't wait for my husband to become a father and I know that he will be a great one, our children will be blessed to have a great father and 2 great grandfathers to provide those these in thier lives. 

Family Stress

This lesson was a great lesson- it was mostly Brother Williams talking about his family.  It was a way for him to explain the dynamics of it and how it can work out in the end.  It was really interesting to learn about his family and everytime he does it, I automatically start thinking about my family and compare how we have handled things in our lives. It's interesting how everything works out and how it may not.  It's important that parents have a good relationship/communication in order to keep the family out stress.  It can be one major event that could change everything if they don't have that and then that really impacts the kids if there's any involved and how they feel or handle things.   Brother Williams's family was the perfect example and how his parents struggled because of one event and the marriage was barely hanging on, then something else major happened- they changed how they handled it and thier marriage/family became stronger because of it. 

Aging Family

This is the last post for this class and I've pretty much kept up with all the topics throughout the semster.  This class has been really awesome and beneficial.  Brother Williams really knowledgeable and I've appreciate his outlook on Family/Marriage- I have learned a lot and definately has helped me learn how to react to things and has given me an outlook on other families/marriages.  

Aging family was the last topic and we talked about it very breifly but mainly we talked about married couples who are now "empty nesters" and where they are in that point in life.  Aging families happens at different ages depending if the children are out of the home and such, apparently Steve Martin just became a father at age 67.  We discussed what those couples tend to be doing- some may be retired and interacting with grandchildren, some kids who are married may have moved back in the home or parents may have moved in with one of their chilren.  It is so vastly different for each family and where they are in life.  Its hard for me to imagine that one day I'll wake up being married for 30 years and see all these things occuring in my life. But just like anything in life, we have to progress and adjust to life as it comes. 

Blending Families

Blending families is a challenge for some.  Those who blend families are those who are typically widowed or divorced.  Blending families on both side can be difficult for children who may have been close with thier other parents (if they died) and feel that another person coming in is taking their place.  Some of the tips that they gave in class/book that those who are blending families should not jump right in and become the parent. They need to communicate with their spouse of how they want to parent the child/children and then sit together as a group and dicuss some of the things and provide comfort that they are not there to replace thier other parent but to be there for them and be apart of thier lives.  Sometimes blending families can take years to finally become accepting and become a family.  I have seen it in a couple families I know and it seems like it would be a hard thing to do and something that takes work to get to the final product- a family.  I really enjoyed having Brother Williams and his wife in class discussing their experiences of blending families and not all families are the same but to have that example of that it can work and it takes time and a lot of communication between the spouse and the children.

Parenting

Oh how I'll be able to enjoy the blessings that come from parenting soon- I won't lie, it scares me! I thought that it was interesting that we started out with the whole Supreme Court deal whether marriage should be between a man and wife or if we should allow gay/lebians to be able to have that right to be married to each other.  Everything that we've learned this semester kind of tied in of why birth rates may be lower than it used to be.  People just wait to have children or don't have children because they don't want to bring a child into this society that we live in.  I have contemplated that a few times when we talked about having kids and how scary it is to bring them in because of everything that they will be surrounded in.  The world is a scary/crazy place.  My husband and I knew that is why we were sent to earth and the blessing we can get from being parents.  It won't be easy but it is truely a blessing.  As we learned about the styles of parenting- I definately want to become an active parent who sets boundaries and whatnot but have a warm and accepting context.  I want my children to be able to come to me about anything and have a strong relationship but to know that there are boundaries that they have to follow.  Parents have a huge responsiblity to provide, protect and to prepare their children as they grow up to be adults so that they will be able to survive and to thrive in our society.  I really enjoyed everyone's and Brother Williams comments throughout the class and has given me a broader sense of what parents should be and shouldn't be. I hope that I will be able to be a good parent.

Family Under Stress/ Commuication and Mutual Problem Solving

Communicaton and Mutual Problem Solving-
Communiation is so important, especially in marriage.  I'll admit I'm the worst communicator and my husband gets frustrated with me because I tend not to communicate my feelings or whatever.  I've gotten better over the years but still a struggle.  The reading in the book has helped me how I can become a better communicator and how I can avoid conflict by commicating. 
I thought the way the Presidency and Quorum of 12 Apostles was pretty neat and the story that was shared in the reading was a great example of how it works. I think that its the perfect way of communicating and problem solving in a group like that. We were ask to how we would apply one of these process in our families and how it can help us when counseling with each other. It was interesting reading everyone's post and what they would do.  I think that all of them are needed and would be super helpful. I thought I would post the list- if anyone is interested in having it and this way I can go back to it. 
The process used by the Presidency and Quorum of 12 Apostles. 

• An agenda is organized and distributed at least the evening before the meeting.

• They meet each Thursday in the temple (sacred time, sacred space).

• Begin by expressing sincere love and concern for one another.

• Open discussion with prayer, inviting the Spirit to reveal Heavenly Father's will.

• Discuss in an orderly manner to concensus, seeking to agree upon what God would have done.

• Close with prayer, dedicating selves and efforts to follow through with revealed will.

• Share refreshments.

Homemakers and Finances

This week's lesson was good.  It has opened my eyes a little bit in the fact that I've been wanting to get a bachlors degree and I'm having my first child this summer that I just didn't know what I was gonna do.  I felt horrible just getting a associate degree and thats it.  But having this lesson had made me realized that I don't have to have career or have highest degree, that I still can be intelluctual by learning in the home.  In one of the readings it was say that those mothers who stay home learn more than those who do work outside the home and have that interaction.  I thoughtthat it was interesting and made me feel somewhat better that even though I would have an AA, I still can be successful and still learn at home.

Finances- this is the 3rd lesson that I've had in 3 different classes but it's always a good lesson and a good nudge to get our budget in gear. I thought that it was intersting that Brother Williams shared that this guy who is a multi-millionare thinks the pamphlet that the LDS church provides, "One for the Money," is the best book out there.  I thought that was pretty neat that someone who isn't LDS, mulit-millionare broker thought that was the go to book.

Sexual Intimacy and Family Life

I thought this lesson was great, and it was nice to know that I wasn't the only woman in this world that felt that way about my husband.  It thought that it was interesting that there were couple out there that hadn't had sexual intimacy from their spouse in years and how easy it is not to do it and it can affect your relationship with your spouse. Sexual intimacy is not that important in the marriage but it allows the couple to bond.  I thought that it was intersting that women and men's peaks were very different- men hit their peak at 18, 19 years old and then it decreases as they get older whereas for women thier sexual peak hits at age 30-35 ish.  That's way off but evenutally it meets in the middle.

Brother Williams mentioned that couples who have been married 20 years tend to enjoy it more than when you first get married, because they are more comfortable with each other and knows what they like. The key thing is communicating what you like and then it progresses from there.  I think often people in the church are taught no their whole lives and then when they get married, its okay.  They need that period of education of what's going to happen so that they are more comfortable.

We also talked about how we should give our spouse our attention and not to lust over someone in ways such as pornography, fantatizing, and affiars.  It was discussed that when you spend time with other people besides your spouse, you become more comfortable with each other, then the relationship can progress as you spend more time with each other and telling each other your dreams or you problems and that can can destroy your marriage/family even if you didn't have sexual interaction.  It's insane how satan works really hard to lead us away from those who we love and leads to a lot of heartache. It's amazing how our Father in Heaven gives us this to strengthen our marriages and to bring forth a family.  He wants us to enjoy each other in a way that you can't by being in each other presence- it allows us to become one.

Transition to Marriage

One of the main things that stuck out to me in this lesson leaning on each other.  I've come to realize that I'm not that good at allowing my husband to "lean on me" in everything. Some things yes, but not everything.  I need to be a better spouse at allowing my husband to lean on me when he needs someone, that is one of the most important thing in a relationship and it opened my eyes.  This is something that I want to work on so that I can improve my marriage.  It made me think of my parent's relationship and how I've come to realize that I don't ever remember seeing my dad having to lean on my mother- I mean she did the bills and kept the house in order.  Is that really leaning on someone for the support that is needed in a relationship. I wonder because I was never really exposed to that, that I didn't realize that I do that to my husband.  I guess it may be time to break that cycle before this little one comes.

Preparing for Marriage

This class, I didn't feel like anything was new to me. It was interesing to hear about it is important to establish certain things as the relationship progessed.  So, I pondered when I was dating my husband and the things that we did as we were dating- because dating is an important step when forming a relationship.  I think we did pretty good, there might be some things that I would've changed.  

We talked about dating and hanging out.  Even though it was over 3 years ago that I dated, and I remember "hanging out." I remember then that it was advised by the church to not hang out but to date.  Anyways when I think about dating, I think that it goes both ways. It can't always be the guy, girls have to do the work too.  And I think that people these day hang out because they are shallow, they want to hang out so they don't have to spend the extra money if it were a date, or they could potentially hang out with another girl they really want or they are not sure if they would like this person.  Also, I think when people are dating- they go on one date and say, its not going to work out, they don't have the what "I'm looking for," or they aren't interested.  I think it takes more than one date to really get to know someone and their personality.

Those are my thoughts, not great but it's there. 

Gender and Family Life

As usual, the class discussion was great. We talked about gender and family life.  We talked about the roles in family and even in the society.  We watched a couple of videos discussing how different men and women are.  It moslty talked about equality and how women had to fight for equal rights and bascially said that men should bring their level of whatever to our level so that we are capable of doing the same things. But in reality most women can't or don't have the same capablities as men do.  This week in my family foundations we also talked about equality in relationship between a wife and husband, we are equal in the realtionship. We have marriage between a man and woman for a reason- it allows us to become one with our spouse and in everything that goes on in the family.  In class we talked about how mothers are to be nurturers and men are to provide, protect and preside.  We correlated it with the genetic attributes that women and men usually have such as for women are usually more expressive, emotional, and so on and for men they tend to be agressive, suppressive and etc.  It was interesting to put those together and it made sense but some men and women are not like that, they may be vice versa.
Thats where same sex attraction comes in.  I thought that it was interesting that most parents either freak out or assume that thier child is gay when they play with toys that tend to be made for girls.  I think that it's sad that some parents will just say that they are gay and just basically raise that way when the child doesn't even know what gay means.  Brother Williams brought up a case he had where he had a father come in freaking out about his son liking girl stuff and didn't like playing with boy stuff.  He basically told the father that he needs to play with his son, have a relationship and to show intimacy towards him so that he can develop that kind of relationship.  And then the kid grew up just being just fine.  Brother Williams brought something up that I thought that was really interesting and had never thought of it in that way before.  But when a parent sees their child playing with girl stuff and force them to play with boy stuff, basically trying to change them that those characteristics that they had such as sensitivity is the same attributes that our Savior has, why would we want to change that.  It's all about parenting and how you act towards your child.
Same sex attraction has been a topic for this class and my other class for the last 2 weeks and it's just really nice to have the "science" and the religion aspect of it and being able to correlate it together.  I now  have more of a understanding and more love for those who may have chosen that lifestyle even though it's wrong but the Lord still loves them regardless.  I just wish they could understand that thats not how they were born and it is a choice that they made even if they were abused/ mislabled or not.  I'm glad that we have therapists out there like Brother Williams to help those who are willing to ask for help.

Social status and culture

This week's lesson was mainly on social status and culture.  It's very intersting how social status is very important to people and how it can affect people. It's crazy how people automatically judge someone by their appearnce or the things that they have.  It seems like people are too quick to judge rather than getting to know the person.  I think it becomes a habit for some people to envy others or to think that they are better than someone that may be a lower social status. We should keep in mind that in the gospel, we are taught that we shouldn't be worldly and to be envious because that is what Satan wants us to do.  That we should be like our Savior, someone who loves everyone and doesn't judge them for what they don't have or what they do.  We are to be better people and to server them. In class, we were asked what social class we would want to be as a married couple and for our future children.  For the most part, most of us thought upper middle class or upper class.  I wouldn't mind being either of those as long as I show my children how it should be and not to be worldly.  I would want to set examples of working hard, being self reliant, and not to have everything just because you have money.  Also being in those classes, as parents wouldn't have to worry so  much about finaical strain and that would reduce stress and relationship strain as well. Someone in class mentioned how her parents were at the very bottom when they were first married and were going to school, and they were frugal and worked hard to get where they are now.  I liked that, because even though you may start at the bottom it is very possible to make it to where you want to eventually be, but it takes work and dedication.

We also talked about cultures and what it really means.  And basically we thought that culture meant values, beliefs, traditions, and behavior that is is in a group of people. Culture is a very unique and diverse.  I like that you can learn from other cultures and decide if that's somthing you would like to include into your lives or continue with your own. When I got married, I was knew that my husband and I had a lot of the same values but discovered we had different ways of doing things or had different traditions, so by getting married, I felt like we were intergrating cultures to make it our own. 

Other Blogger from Class

I have a spot for them on my page but too lazy to put everyone in by URL.  Read their blogs, I'm sure they will have better insights than me!

Annelise Bean http://familythroughtheeyesofannelise.blogspot.com

Cierra Beck http://cierralifeisgrand.weebly.com

Halie Cook http://12halie2011.blogspot.com

Hailee Coulson http://haicoul.blogspot.com

Maddison Dillon http://maddisondssweetdreams.blogspot.com

Marina Eliason http://threeblissfulmonkeysandamomma.weebly.com

Laura Espinoza http://espinozafamilyof7.blogspot.com

Shane Esplin http://johnshanesblog.blogspot.com

Aubrey Forbis http://aubreyforbisfr.blogspot.com

Kelly Furrows http://mrandmrsfurrows.blogspot.com

Brittany Halstead http://marriagethoughtsbybrittany.weebly.com

Hilary Hawkins http://hhilarym.blogspot.com

Angela Hendrix http://angiehendrix.wordpress.com

Kiera Hinkson http://kieramachelle.weebly.com

Kim Kim http://jihyunkim1972.blogspot.com

Susie McHan http://susieqatbyu-i.weebly.com

Emily McIntyre http://ablogtotheworld.blogspot.com

Josh Mitchell http://mitchellfamilyrelations.blogspot.com

Aryan Moarefdoust http://funandfam.blogspot.com

Eryn Nelson http://sunnydaysatbyyu.blogspot.com

Emma Rodrigues http://emmarodrigues.blogspot.com

Ashley Rupp http://ashbobash88.blogspot.com

Heather Rupp http://heatherfeather23.blogspot.com

Susannah Scheuermann http://happyfuturefamily.blogspot.com

Jamie Shelton http://jamiepslifeisgood.blogspot.com

Grace Skidmore http://graceskidmore.blogspot.com

Brian Tait http://dafamilyman.weebly.com

David Walker http://davesfamilyrules.weebly.com

Kamryn Watt http://kamrynwatt.blogspot.com

Jacob Wilhite http://jakewilhite.wordpress.com

Teralyn Young http://teralynsmarriagefamilymusings.weebly.com

Family System

This week's discussion was on the family system.  I had enjoyed this discussion, it made me think about the families and how we rely so much on our families even though we don't think we do. Everything that happens in the family whether its the mother who's having a bad day, it affects the husband and children or vice versa. My teacher did this demostration with other students from my class, and had them in a circle holding hands.  He would go to each student and tell a story about what's going on with this student and pull them back, and as you see the student being pulled, the other students were being pulled as well.  One person's problem affects those around them.  It's interesting and I've noticed that if I'm having a bad day, my husband is being affected from my actions.

Also we talked about rules and how rules would affect the family system and how it was important to have those foundations to keep the family on the same page.

Feel free to leave any comments. :)

Family Trends

I was suppose to post this last week, but wasn't sure if we were suppose to.  Here are my thoughts about last week's lesson.  We discussed family trends and why birth rates and marriage rate was decreasing and how divorces and cohabitating rate were increasing.

After the class, I was very interested in the subject and how surprising the information was.  I had never had thought that everything affects each aspect.  Because cohabitating was becoming more common that they would date for 5+ years before they made a real commitment to each other or sometimes they never commit to each other but have children.  Once they've made a commitment, they would wait another couple years before having children and by that time they have 1-2 kids.  Therefore, the birthrate decreased.  I think that cohabitating is interesting and more interesting if they have children, it think that it teaches children that they don't have to make commitment to other people or they will most likely follow their parent's footsteps.  I know a few people in my family that cohabitated and some of thier relationships worked out and some other's didn't.

I wish that more people knew more about the gospel and what blessings they could recieve from having a family and to know their purpose here on earth is.

Check. Check.

Just checking if anyone is allowed to comment.  :)